Relationships

Relationships

The Purpose of Dating: "I'm Worth Waiting For"

Dating is a really IMPORTANT activity for young people, and it can be the most FUN you've ever had! It helps us to:

The Purpose of Dating: "I'm Worth Waiting For"

Get to know ourselves and other people better.
Develop good social relationships.
Develop better communication skills.
Make decisions about who we want to be.
Decide what kind of people we want for friends.
Choose a marriage partner more wisely.

But there must be standards and limits...

...What are YOUR standards?

YOU must decide where you stand based on your highest values, using your best judgment.

...How DO you set limits?

COMMUNICATE what you have decided.
Do it EARLY in the relationship.
USE HUMOR and common sense.
Be SPECIFIC and DIRECT, but be friendly.
REFUSE to be part of a relationship that expects more than you are willing to give.

Stand by your decision.

If the other person disrespects your limits, the relationship is probably NOT worth it!

...How far is too far?

UH-OH! This one will require some discussion!

Look at this list showing the progression of physical involvement in a relationship:

Talk/Flirt
Handholding
Hug
Casual kiss
Intimate touch fully clothed
Intimate touch with clothes off
Sexual intercourse

NOW, where do you draw the line on this list if you don't want to have sex right now, and you want to practice abstinence until marriage?

Most of us would agree that the first three or four simply express AFFECTION. Affection is an appropriate way to show you care about a friend, family member, or even a date, right?????

BUT if we draw a line here, the very next activity is the beginning of SEXUAL AROUSAL. (If you don't agree, answer this: How often do you give your grandma a soulful, lingering kiss?)

SEXUAL AROUSAL = preparing the body for sexual intercourse:

Physical contact is nature's plan for arousal, for the purpose of sexual stimulation, designed to lead to intercourse.

To allow this stimulation to progress to the point just short of intercourse will make you not just frustrated, but emotionally conflicted and dissatisfied.

Cutting off arousal leads to embarrassment, built, loss of respect, and anger toward yourself and toward the other person.
The list only goes in one direction. It's very difficult to be making out and touching and then go back to holding hands, UNLESS a couple has agreed ahead of time to work together to observe their limits and standards.

Remember...

There are lots of other ways to express your love and affection.

Write a note and leave it on his/her locker.
Take a walk together on the beach.
Offer to baby-sit his/her younger sibling.

... YOU ARE WORTH WAITING FOR !!!

Unhealthy Relationships

ABUSE ...

According to RAVE of West Michigan, 28% of young people experience violence in a dating experience.

This includes physical, emotional and sexual assault:

Physical examples:

hitting, slapping, burning, kicking, punching, shaking, shoving, strangling, even when "just playing around!"

Emotional examples:

blaming, controlling time and contact with friends, discounting your feelings and opinions, demanding, threatening.

Verbal examples:

name calling, “You are such an idiot”, accusations, put downs, threats.

Sexual examples:

forcible intercourse, using drugs or alcohol to coerce you into sex, isolation from others.

Rape is an act of violence.

... WHAT TO DO

Abuse is never a sign of love.

A loved one deserves better treatment.

If you find yourself in this type of relationship, STOP and get some help:

Walk away from the situation (literally).

Talk to your parents or another adult.

Call us at the Center (231-398-7984)

Get the police involved, if necessary.

Eddie's Got a Fast Car

Eddie's got a fast car
And he drives me to school.
All my friends think he’s so cool
And they wish they were me.
But they don’t see when he hits me
Or screams and calls me names.
Eddie’s got a fast car.
Today he picked me up for school
And we had another fight
And he pushed my face into the dash.
I’m confused and I’m scared
Because tomorrow morning I’ll wake up,
And I’ll look out my window.
He’ll be sitting there and I’ll have to get in.
Eddie’s got a fast car.

Eddie and his girlfriend are in an abusive relationship.

Is it physical or emotional abuse?
Is he trying to control her?
Is she confused and scared? Will he hurt her worse if she rejects him?

Is there respect, trust, honesty, unselfishness and good communication going on between the couple above?

I don’t think so!

How about the guy below—are his needs being met?

I Know Pam's Number by Heart

I know Pam’s number by heart
I always call when I get home
Because I know that she’ll be waiting
And she’ll ask me where I’ve been
And she’ll ask me who I’ve seen.

I know Pam’s number by heart
Sometimes I call too late
And she screams at me through the phone
And she wants to know where I’ve been
And she wants to know who I’ve seen.

I know Pam’s number by heart
But tonight I didn’t get to call
And now I feel sick in my stomach
Because she’s wondering where I am
And she’s imagining who I’ve seen
And I’m afraid of what she’ll do.

I know Pam’s number by heart.